Tag Archives: life

First post in a long Time

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So, in a month or so, I’ll be living with my boyfriend. Sooner is much better than later because I’m going insane. My mom made me move my cats to my sister’s basement so I’m really upset about that. I miss my babies. 😦

But I am on the hunt for apartments that are pet-friendly. Honestly, if I can find one that is cheaper on rent and we could afford it now, I would move now. I’m tired of feeling like shit and not being able to actually have anything of my own and being forced to give up  the only other living things I care about (apart from my boyfriend and stuff you know). It’s like, having to give up my children or something. I had a fucking panic attack when I was cleaning everything and gathering them up to leave. I just had to sit down for a bit because I couldn’t breathe or think or anything. Which, I need to tell my sister to stop looking for people to take the kittens. I just don’t know how to tell my parents because I know what their reaction will be: they tell me what a whore I am that I’m making a huge mistake, that I’m going to regret it blah blah. But really, we do plan on getting married, hell he keeps telling me how much he wants to have kids with me. To which I’m like haha we can hold off on that for a while because nope. Do not want anything to be coming from my vagina for a while. I just don’t know how I’m ever going to convince him to let me help pay rent and everything because he goes to pieces when I don’t let him buy me dinner or coffee. It does make me feel nice that he wants to do things like that for me, though.

Honestly, my biggest thing is that I have a feeling that my parents are going to ask to borrow money from me and I don’t have money to let them borrow. Annnnnnnd I know that my mom will make me feel like shit for it. Hell, she paid a $40 vet bill that I specifically told her not to pay and for them to bill me and she wouldn’t stop berating me for the money until I made enough to pay her back. I mean, $40 isn’t much, but I had my loan due at the same time and my phone bill so I wanted to be extra sure I had enough left over from those things first. However, they went into debt in order to financially support my brother for two months and still occasionally give him money for food and gas. And what does he do? Goes to Pigeon Forge last weekend. Not a fuss raised toward him, though. It just sucks how much of a difference my parents make between my brother, sister, and I. My brother…the sun practically shines out of his ass. My sister was treated a little less better. But I’m basically the biggest fuck up ever. I’m treated as a joke. Like my opinions don’t matter. And I’m not allowed to express any feeling if it doesn’t comply with what my mother wants me to feel. I had to drop out of school because while studying and doing coursework my mother would constantly barge into my bedroom and tell me to look at this or that or watch this video or look what I made. The straw that broke the camels back was the night before my math final. There was a leak  in the roof over my bed so I had to sleep on the sofa what does she do? Stay up until 2 am playing youtube videos really loud and telling me to watch. While I’m laying down. With blankets over my head. I had to wake up at 6 to take my final and I had maybe an hour of sleep so I decided to not go. I tried to reschedule, but the proctor never responded to my calls or emails.

School…I may put off going back until I can control my migraines because I think I would be able to focus a lot better. This post is very erratic. I’m just trying to get my thoughts out, though.

But yes. Apartment. Cats. Getting married. School. My head hurts (as always).

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I have posted in a long time

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Since July, actually haaaaa. Well Let’s see. Since then I have adopted a cat (her name is Babs) who just so happened to be pregnant. She had her kittens (5 of them!) this past Sunday! Here are some pictures:

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They are so little and soft and she is oddly okay with us holding them. Babs was even trying to get my dog to look at them , I think. Babs just kept loving on her then walking to the kittens and looking back at her. It was adorable. Babs was like, “look at what I made!!!” Such a proud little mama.

I have been dating literally the sweetest guy ever. Which is weird considering we’ve been friends for kind of a long time so it was a little shocking at first. And Jesus, did I fall fast. But it’s been wonderful and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the universe. Even the cool stuff that we don’t even know about which is most of the universe. He is just so sweet and wonderful and dfks;ahflkasdhg;as…ugh I love him.

Oh yeah, I also went to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend as always. And I started school the week before that. I’ve done fairly well. Passed English 101 and Foundations of Learning so I’m on to English 102 and Intro to Psychology. They’re sort of fast paced courses. I’m glad I’m getting a lot done. Sadly, however, I suck at math so I really need to work harder in that area. Perhaps even purchase the tutoring services that are provided to online students.

Updates and such

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I’ve lost 41 lbs so far and I now fit into a size 10/11 which makes me feel pretty awesome. I’ve also lost some boobage. I’ve gone from busting out of a 38DD down to a 36D cup. This also feels amazing. I can buy cute bras now!!!

I’ve been playing Kinect Adventures a lot for exercise. I’ve downloaded a Zumba demo and I will start that as soon as I get my nerve up. I’m not going to lie–Zumba makes me a bit nervous. Perhaps after work, I’ll conquer my nervousness. I’ve been cleaning literally all day today. Thankfully that burns calories. It also get my room clean haha. Everything is almost done I still have a few things to organize–like my massive amounts of shoes. I have given a lot of my shoes away and have dwindle down to just 30+ pairs instead of having over 70 pairs of shoes. I’m proud of myself for the willpower to give up shoes. Wow, this blog post is all over the place, then again, so am I. A note on the weight loss, a lot of people have been noticing and asking me how I’ve been losing all the weight and it feels so nice that people actually notice the change. 

Funny story:

As I stated above I’ve been cleaning literally all day long. My dog apparently thought that I was leaving due to the extensive cleaning. While I was sorting through some clothes she climbed in my lap and whined for the longest time, she has followed me everywhere–even to the bathroom. She even laid on top of some of my things I was sorting through. I suppose that was an attempt to keep me here. Even now she is asleep beside of me. My dog is far too smart for her own good. I kind of feel bad that I’m going to be gone for a week in September for vacation. Poor thing will be beside herself. This is why I love her though. She’s smart and obviously very caring. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Bigger dilemma

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I haven’t updated in a while so here it goes.
I don’t have pcos, but apparently my thyroid levels are low. The doctor isn’t going to do anything but continue on with my birth control. On that note, my insurance has paid diddly squat for anything so I’ve got like $2000 in doctor bills because fucking lab work. And I have no way of getting any help because I have insurance already. I don’t think people are understanding the fact that my insurance isn’t paying out anything. Which I’m filing claims and so on hoping that maybe they’ll pay something. So before I drop them like a rock I’ll see if they pay anything.
On the bright side of things I’ve lost 20 lbs since starting keto. That’s 35 lbs lost in total since last summer. I am super proud of myself. Which this past week I’ve been stalling a bit but I’ve just been super tired this week and not been exercising. I need to get more sleep for sure. Chamomile tea, here I come!!!

Snow!

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So it snowed a lot where I live today! It’s so pretty~

But it is also dangerous. I may or may not make it to work tomorrow. It would be nice to sleep in a bit to be honest. So, just one week until I find out what’s wrong with me and what to do about it. I’m a little anxious. I want to know what’s going on so I can work on fixing my body…but then I guess I’m also kind of scared. What bothers me about this whole PCOS ordeal is that nobody really seems to care. And the fact that this all could have been resolved when I was way younger if my parents hadn’t played off me being constantly tired as me being lazy. Just like with my headaches. Oh. It’s just soda. It’s just this or that. never actually doing anything about it. I never saw a doctor until I was 19 and I went myself. Through all of that I found out that the neurologist I was going to sucks. Also, topamax does not work. But even then I didn’t really feel like I had a whole lot of…support. I’ve never really felt cared for. I’ve always felt so unimportant. Like my pains and problems don’t matter. And that sucks. Blaaaahhhh!